The Secret Lives of Church Ladies
How often do you find yourself in an outsider’s role? There’s a certain degree of freedom (as well as a bit of awkwardness) in not knowing certain things, in being completely ignorant to “how it goes.” I think many of us could benefit from adopting this posture once in a while. (The flip side, I know, is that there are people who may *always* feel this way and what I personally might call “purposeful naivete” turns into something very exclusionary when pinned on someone else.)
I thought of my own experiences with being an “outside observer” when I read The Secret Lives of Church Ladies, Deesha Philyaw’s debut short story collection and finalist for a National Book Award. These nine stories are — not surprisingly — about…the secret lives of (Black) ladies in the (Black) church. Although there is pain and trauma — allusions to “having to hide your medicine bottles in your shoes, because, otherwise, seven of your nine children were liable to steal them” and women having to care for their (great) grandchildren — there is also a sort of joy. And I think it’s a joy that comes from celebrating and examining and “owning” your “group.” There are struggles and problems, but they are yours. I was especially struck by the story “Snowfall.” It’s a story about a lesbian couple and how both women have been hurt and shunned (to different degrees) by their mothers. But it’s also a story about “home” and shared cultural experiences and reminiscing and how “even though [they] grew up in different places, [so many] conversations start with ‘Remember when…’” I was delighted by the childhood recollections that followed.
Of course, like all good fiction, any reader can find points of relation in these stories. But ultimately, they’re a reflection of a culture that is not mine. My job isn’t necessarily to analyze. Instead, it’s to enjoy, celebrate, and learn from.
originally published on instagram